How I Completed a Full New Year's Resolution
In January I took on a handful of New Year's Resolutions. Some were more successful than others. Some raised some eyebrows more than others. Here is a run down of my successes and failures.
1) No Alcohol
Other than a Raspberry and Prosecco cheesecake I have only drunk on 4 occasions this year. 3 days were during my best mate's wedding in Thailand. The other was my leaving drinks at work.
'You have to drink, Jon. It's your leaving drinks,' urged my friend Laura at work. 'What would it take for you to drink?'
'I dunno. One hundred pounds.'
'Done!'
So they dressed me up as a banana, handcuffed me to the student teacher and made me walk around the pub with a bucket round my neck until I'd raised £100.
In twenty minutes I had a bucket of cash (I donated the total to a sports injury charity. I was a PE teacher after all) and spent the rest on shots at the bar. I end up throwing up on my shoes and being carried home by Laura. She did quite well as she's about 5ft 2.
The next morning I got up, caught the train home and went to play a rugby match. It was the last match I ever played as I was knocked unconscious. When I woke up I didn't know where I was or how I'd got there.
Alcohol is seriously bad for your health!
2) No Smoking
Easy. I don't smoke!
3) No Chocolate
Also easy as I'm not a big fan of chocolate. The only chocolate I ate all year was a chocolate twist from Costa Coffee on the morning of my Inflatable Crocodile adventure. I thought it was raisins.
4) No Crisps
Not a single crisp has passed my lips this year. Unless you count nachos. Are nachos crisps or are they a meal?
5) No Cake
Cheesecake. Is that a cake? Or is it cheese? Also, pastries aren't cakes so I just ate loads of croissants instead.
6) No Sweets
Not a big fan of sweets either. Easy peasy!
7) No Plastic water bottles
I haven't bought a single plastic water bottle all year. I HAVE on the odd occasion bought plastic fizzy drinks bottles but only when I couldn't get cans or cartons. This was especially true on my cross Thailand cycle. Those guys just love plastic!
8) No Plastic Carrier Bags
I bought only 2 plastic bags all year. Also, why does the old dear at Tesco insist on putting the raw chicken in an extra plastic bag when it is already sealed in plastic?
9) No Texting while Driving
Other than while sat stationary at traffic lights or in heavy traffic I've been good at not texting. I have still been distracted by my phone, satnav, loudly shouting wife in the passenger seat so this is something that I need to continue to improve on.
10) No Intentionally Speeding
Every time I have broken the speed limit accidentally I have forced myself to slow down. Except while overtaking on motorways. I still need to ignore that bastard tail-gating me at 80mph.
This resolution actually stopped me getting a speeding ticket. I was driving through Hereford one time earlier in the year and would've been flashed by a mobile police unit if I hadn't been desperately trying to slow down to get under the speed limit at the time. Result!
11) Learn the Guitar
I can play 3 Irish tunes ('Whiskey in the Jar', 'Fields of Athenry' and 'Green fields of France') to some degree. I performed them at a family session that I organised in Ireland in the summer.
12) Learn the Unicycle
This I absolutely failed at as I never got the bloody wheel pumped up. I completely forgot it was in the garage for 10 months of the year!
13) 20 Press ups a day
Stopped this challenge in February. It's bloody hard to DO something. It's so much easier to NOT DO something (e.g. not eat sweets)
14) 20 Sit ups a day
See above
Overall a mixed bag of results but I think I've done ok.
I didn't really miss anything and I think I've made myself / the world slightly better with my choices and actions. But at least now the pressure is off and I can do what I want.
Come the first of Jan you'll find me in driving my car at 90 miles an hour, smoking a cigar, eating my way through a box of Quality Streets and a tube of Pringles while furiously fiddling with my phone.
That's not a euphemism!
What's your New Year's Resolutions for 2018? Let me know in the comments below!