What’s the Challenge?
I’m going to run from Land’s End to John o’Groats (over 1000 miles… probably) while passing jokes from one one person to the next.
(Yes I know Land’s End is not actually the most southerly point in England and John o’Groats is not the most northly point in Scotland, but that’s just semantics!)
Just… Why?
I’ve always dreamed of travelling from Land’s End to John o’Groats. There’s something ethereal, almost mystical about the challenge. I thought about cycling it, but cycling hurts my bum too much and I’m not very good at it. I like running, so I thought what the hell? I mean, how hard could it be?
And when my wife said that I could take a few weeks off on the summer holidays to do it, I jumped at the chance. (She’s regretted saying that ever since!)
Why can’t you just have a normal holiday like everyone else, Jon?
*shrugs*
Never mind! So what’s this joke relay thing about?
Well, I wanted to do something memorable. I didn’t want to just run the distance. That would be a bit dull. So I thought, what could I do to keep myself occupied as I run along? What could I do that would get people to actually come and talk to me? I’m going to be doing all by my lonesome, and I’m seriously worried about being lonely.
For a long time, I thought I would do it in fancy dress. A fairy outfit was a strong contender for a while, but then I realised that the tutu would probably chafe and the wings would be seriously annoying after a few hundred miles.
I wanted something that was light (because I’d have to carry it the whole way), but would help people engage with me.
And then my best friend, Harry, suggested I do a joke relay.
It’s a perfect idea! Jokes don’t weigh anything and I could pass a metaphorical ‘joke baton’ up the entire length of the country, watching the smiling faces of the jokes’ recipients as I went.
Oh, and also I just like really rubbish dad jokes… Do you want to hear one?
No.
Do you know what my favourite type of joke is? It’s any joke about the eyes. In fact, the cornea the better!
*face palms*
I’ve got more if you want to hear them?
No. No. That’s fine! Why don’t you tell me about the route…
Well… as with any of my adventures, I’m not really very good at planning anything. I know I’m starting down in Cornwall on Friday 15th July because that’s when I’ve booked the train for. After that, I guess I’ll just follow my nose north.
I’ve even made a Google Map thingy but I don’t know how much I’ll actually stick to it.
The plan is to stick to country lanes for most of the route, only using A roads if I really have to. If I get bored, I’ve given myself the option of following the Offa’s Dyke path up along the Welsh border, but I’ve heard it’s a bit hilly so I may give it a miss.
Like I say, the route is pretty flexible.
Will we be able to track you while you’re running?
Yes! I’m using a fabulous organisation called zerosixzero.com so you can follow my progress. I’m using my phone to send a signal to their website which creates this awesome tracky thing. It’s all very technical but my new best friend, Ant, seriously knows what he’s doing. He’s tracked adventurers across all continents of the Earth so I feel like I’m in safe hands… as long as my phone doesn’t run out of charge.
What about kit?
Again, it’s on the to-do list. This is my kit list so far…
Sleeping bag (cheap one season that my sister-in-law bought for a festival once)
Bivvy (Alpkit Hunka standard. It’s lasted me years! They are the dons of bivvy making!)
Lightweight roll mat (Thermarest 3/4 length. Thanks Hannah’s dad!)
Running bag (Tomshoo 30L)
Bum bag / fanny pack
Small waterproof bags x 2
Trainers (Saucony Ride 14. I bought them for my 1000 mile challenge last year and they’re still holding up).
Shorts
T-shirt x 2
Fleece layer x 2
Socks x 2
Pants x 2
Tracky bottoms
Poncho
Phone for video, photos, navigation, communication, emergencies… pretty much everything, really. And considering the battery lasts about 5 minutes, it’s a good job I also have…
Charging cables, battery and plug
Mini tripod, selfie-stick, lapel mic.
Water pouch
Spoon (very important)
Vaseline / nappy cream (very VERY important)
Toothbrush and toothpaste
Anything else I might need.
If I’m honest, you don’t sound like you’re packing a lot, Jon?
I’m not. The idea is to pack as light as possible. I can survive on very little stuff and it’s only for a few weeks. I’ll be buying my food along the way, so I don’t really think there’s much else I’ll need. I’m packing the important things - a sense of adventure and a willingness to rough it for a bit.
So how much will this adventure cost, and how long will it take you?
No idea but I’m budgeting £1,000 including train travel and I think it will take me between 4 and 6 weeks… But really, I’m just plucking those figures out of thin air.
Ok, this sounds like a massive adventure. What charity are you raising money for?
I’m not.
I’m sorry, what? You’re not raising money for charity?
I’m not raising any money for charity, no. My view is that I’m going to do this adventure whether people sponsor me or not. So instead of giving your money to a charity that doesn’t really mean that much to you, why don’t you set up a direct debit with a charity that you actually care about.
Listen, charities don’t need random spurts of income based on various kind souls going on long runs or jumping out of aeroplanes or whatever. They need a steady stream of income that comes from regular donations from committed supporters.
In fact, I dare you to go and set up a direct debit for a charity of your choice right now. And then jump on social media and tell me and the world who you donated to.
Go on do it now!
Ok, I will. But before I go, I’ve got one more question. How can people stay updated with where you are and what you’re doing?
I’m hoping to keep a daily vlog over on my YouTube channel, I’ll update regularly on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. I’ll be trackable on the zerosixzero.com map above and on my homepage.
If you happen to be in the area, and you want to run with me, meet up, buy me a hot drink, offer me food or a bed, then get in touch. I’d love to meet other lovely people and share awesomely terrible jokes together (though I can’t guarantee your safety. If you run with me, you run at your own risk and you must put up with my terrible singing and/or puns!)
Well, good luck, Jon. It sounds like you really, really, REALLY need it!
Thanks!